It's All About Timing
by cowbell2011
Summary: Sara's and Catherine's timing suck. Will they be able to sort it out?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This popped into my head today. If you'd like me to continue, let me know by reviewing :)**

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**Sara POV**

I feel her presence in the locker room before I see or hear her. This is nothing new to me though. For a long time my body has been reacting to her proximity. I can't remember the exact moment I realised I was in love with her. It wasn't a defining moment, a particular event that made me realise. It was more a gradual thing. A slow realisation. And ever since that moment my life has been hell. Do I tell her, do I keep quiet? I change my mind constantly over what the best course of action is. So far I've gone for the easy option of keeping quiet, but I'm not sure I can keep it in for much longer. For a start, I'm sure she already has her suspicions. My stammering and blushing and inability to form complete coherent sentences in her presence is probably a big clue. Plus, she's a trained investigator. She's paid to notice these things. Preparing myself for the inevitable embarrassment that's about to occur, I plaster a fake smile on my face and turn around.

'Hi Sara, rough night? You look beat.'

I take a deep breath and mentally go over my answer in my head before attempting to say it out loud.

'I um...yeah. I mean, no. Erm, a long night yeah. But it was...it was fine. I guess.'

Shit. What is wrong with me?

Cath looks amused at my inability to yet again act like a normally functioning adult around her. She must have noticed that I'm fine around others, so I'm left wondering why she hasn't called me on it yet. I'm guessing she either assumes it's because I don't like her or she's so disgusted by the idea of a woman liking her in that way that she's too afraid to say something. I'd go for the latter if I had to put money on it. She's always talking about which guys she's been on dates with, and she seemed real uncomfortable when we questioned that gay girl last week who kept hitting on her. Damn my luck.

'Well Miss Eloquent, fancy getting breakfast? I'm starving and I've got nothing in at home.'

Oh my Lord. She wants to get breakfast? I mean, clearly she doesn't mean it in the way I'd like her to. But spend an entire meal with her? Say more than one sentence at a time? I don't think I can handle that. She's looking at me patiently waiting for an answer so I prepare myself for attempt number two at talking.

'Er yeah. Breakfast sounds good. Meet you in the car park in 10?'

She approaches me with a smile on her face and for a crazy moment I think she's going to kiss me. Wishful thinking Sara. I'll settle for that killer smile though. Knowing I put that on her face makes me feel like I'm on cloud nine. She's so beautiful, and that smile will keep me going for weeks. I'm about to turn back to my locker for my coat when she does something that turns me into a quivering wreck. The feel of her skin on mine as she trails a hand down my bare arm is enough to send shivers down my spine, and she'd have to be an idiot to not notice the goose pumps on my arms under her fingertips. But it's what she says that really stumps me.

'It's a date.'

* * *

It's all I can do to get small pieces of my breakfast onto my fork and safely into my mouth in the state I'm currently in. Catherine's words from earlier in the locker room are running through my head a mile a minute.

_It's a date. It's a date. It's a date._

Is it though? It's just the two of us. That's date like. But she doesn't see me like that. She's straight. Isn't she? I decide I'll go crazy if I keep mulling it over so I try to put it out of my mind and just enjoy her company. After all, it's not often I find myself alone with her. Usually I'm running away from her after having made a huge fool of myself.

'...and then I jumped onto the table and took my bra off. It was the most liberating experience of my life.'

Wait...what?

'Huh?'

My head shoots up so fast I'm sure I've given myself whiplash. How did we manage to get onto the subject of her breasts without me realising? It's then that I see her sly grin and I realise I've been had. I playfully throw my napkin at her, more to disguise the fact I'm blushing furiously at the mention of her breasts than because I'm mad at her for teasing me. I'm hoping she doesn't notice, but it seems somebody has it in for me today.

'You're blushing Sara. Is that because I caught you not listening or because we're talking about my breasts?'

I nearly choke on a piece of bacon as I try to get my head around her words. If anybody else had spoken them, I would have said they were flirting with me. But this is Catherine. She's straight. Isn't she? Alright, today can't get any worse. I figure I'll just throw myself off the deep end and flirt back to see what happens. If she slaps me across the face and storms out then hey, at least I'll know I was wrong. And it's been a while since I moved, a new state and change of scenery could be good.

'Well, they are pretty magnificent breasts Cath.'

Now it's her turn to look surprised, and I curse myself for thinking it looks cute on her. _Everything _looks cute on her as far as I'm concerned, but I should be concentrating on planning my escape route right now in order to avoid certain death. It doesn't look like she's going to speak any time soon so I prepare myself for a quick exit. I'm half way out my seat when her hand shoots out to grab my own, and the tingles start up once again.

'Sara, wait. Don't go.'

Her attempt at stopping me leaving is a surprise, and I don't move for a few seconds as if contemplating whether or not I should comply with her request. Oh who am I kidding. I'd comply with her request if she asked me to run down the strip stark naked. I get myself comfortable back in my seat across from her and wait expectantly for her to say something else. I figure that I've already embarrassed myself enough so far without daring to open my mouth again.

'You like me.'

That's one of the things I love about her. She never ceases to amaze me. I mean, who else in the world would be brave enough to come out with a statement like that? Granted, she's spot on. But still. Even if I was 101% sure somebody liked me, I could never say it out loud like that just in case I was wrong. But there she is, throwing it out there like she's just stated the bleeding obvious. I guess she has really. My behaviour the last few months hasn't exactly been discreet and this is the moment I've been dreading for quite a while. She doesn't look like she's about to say anything else any time soon so I start to think about how to respond to that. I could lie, pretend that she's got it all wrong, but I don't think I'd be convincing enough. No, I've come this far. I might as well stick it out til the end and go with the truth.

'Erm...yeah I do. Look I'm sorry. I know I've been acting weird lately and I'll stop. It's just that...'

Once again she shocks me by placing her finger on my lips to silence me. This woman will be the death of me. Doesn't she know what touching me does to my heart rate?

'Ssshhh Sara. I don't need your excuses. It's OK.'

Alright, now I'm confused. It's OK? Does she mean, it's OK I like you too now please kiss me? Or does she mean it's OK I'm fine with it we can just be friends? _Or _does she mean it's OK I've already arranged for your quick and painless death? I figure the most likely option is option 3 so I decide to go down in a blaze of glory and ask the question that's been burning a hole in my brain for as long as I can remember.

'Do you uh...I mean, do you like me?'

Uh oh. Bad move. The finger is removed from my lips and suddenly she's found something really interesting on her plate. Stupid Sara. You could have kept your mouth shut and died peacefully. Now you're going to be tortured horribly and they'll never find the body. I can't bring myself to do anything other than watch her as she engages in the staring contest with her scrambled eggs. The rest of the diners must think we're mad. Five minutes goes by without either of us moving and I realise that we could quite easily spend the rest of our lives here unless one of us does something, and that one of us is going to have to be me.

'OK well, just forget I said anything Catherine, really. In fact, let's just forget this whole conversation even happened, hmm? I will see you tomorrow at work. I think.'

I'm in the process of grabbing my wallet and keys when she speaks. I was halfway between standing and sitting, eyeing the door eagerly in a bid for freedom but what I hear has me slumping back down onto my seat with shock.

'I have a girlfriend.'


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: thanks for your responses to the first chapter. Glad you all enjoyed it! The next chapter after this will see some of Catherine's POV :)**

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**Sara POV**

'I have a girlfriend.'

The words bounce around in my brain for what seems like an eternity as I sit slumped across the table from her. Of all the possible responses I had prepared myself for, that certainly wasn't one of them. She has a girlfriend? So she's at least bisexual. But why has she been flirting with me if she has a girlfriend?

I decide by this point one of us really should say something. I must look like a fish out of water, what with my mouth opening and closing but no sound coming out, and she's just looking at me with a concerned look on her face and her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. It's an incredibly sexy look on her, but then I shouldn't be thinking that right now, after the bombshell she's just dropped.

'What?'

Very eloquent Sidle. Let's try at least a complete sentence next time huh?

'We've been together for 6 months. Her name's Lucy.'

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse. Now _she _has a name.

'What?'

OK, _any _words at all other than 'what' would be great at this point. Luckily Catherine doesn't seem to notice my apparent lack of vocabulary though and ploughs on regardless, oblivious to how much her information is hurting me.

'I met her at City Hall while I was on a case. She works there.'

Wow, and now I have enough information to dispose of her body in a discreet manner. But wait, is it really her I should be mad at? If Catherine has a girlfriend, why was she flirting with me? I need to get to the bottom of this. Let's try talking now shall we?

'You uh...you have a girlfriend.'

I'm mildly pleased at the fact I've managed to say a whole sentence out loud, despite the fact I've merely made myself look like an idiot by repeating back to her what she's just admitted to me. But oh well, small steps right? She nods slowly, apparently willing to give me time to adjust to this new information.

'So you're gay now?'

She looks up in shock at my use of the 'G' word and I have to stifle a laugh as she looks around to make sure nobody heard me.

'No! I'm not gay Sara.'

Alright, this conversation is not going the way I'd hoped. Less than five minutes ago I was on the edge of my seat waiting to find out if the love of my life returned my feelings, now I'm sat here discussing the fine print surrounding her sexuality. And I'm yet to find the answer to the question still burning away in my brain. Why was she flirting with me?

'So what do you and your _girlfriend_ do if you're not gay huh? Hold hands and braid each other's hair?'

Damn, that came out way more aggressive and jealous than I wanted it to sound. Judging by the small smirk that graces Catherine's lips I think she realises too.

'If you must know I class myself as bisexual. I wasn't looking for this you know. It just kind of...happened.'

The extended silence that stretches between us suggests she's not ready to say anymore on the topic, but she's looking at me like she's not ready for this breakfast to end. I figure things can't get much worse at this point so I decide to ask her what I've wanted to know since the moment she shocked the life out of me.

'Why were you flirting with me if you have a girlfriend?'

She at least has the good grace to look ashamed with herself at my question, and fiddles with her knife and fork while I presume she attempts to think of a reason that could possibly justify messing with my mind like that. The more I sit here in silence thinking about it, the angrier I become. She knew I liked her, she said it herself. Yet she flirted with me anyway knowing nothing could happen. Who does that? I'm just about to begin giving her a piece of my mind when she finally speaks up.

'Haven't you ever fantasised about somebody even though you're with someone else?'

Wow.

Is she saying what I think she's saying? Wait, even if she is, that doesn't answer my question.

'Catherine...if I was your girlfriend...'

I have to take pause and swallow a gigantic lump in my throat at this point. The idea of being Catherine's girlfriend and actually voicing that suggestion out loud is just too much for me to handle.

'...if I was your girlfriend, I would not be happy about the way you've behaved this morning. What is going on?'

The guilty look appears on her face once more and I feel slightly bad that I'm the one who has put it there. Part of me is screaming at me to shut up and allow her to continue flirting. But the rational part of me, the part of me that's telling me I would die if I was her girlfriend and she acted this way with somebody else, is telling me to stop her and find out what the hell is going on. Damn me for being so sensible.

'I realised you had feelings for me 1 month and 3 days ago.'

Jeez, precise or what. I motion for her to carry on, intrigued as to what she's getting at. Somehow I manage to keep the blushing to a minimum at the matter of fact way she puts my feelings out there. I'm not entirely sure she realises the extent of my feelings yet, and I'm not about to correct her on that one. Not yet anyway.

'It was when we worked that triple homicide out in Henderson. You know the one with the girl that looked like Lindsey? You found me crying in her room and you just held me until I stopped. I don't think you realised I could see you in the mirror. It was written all over your face. I couldn't believe it at first, but ever since that day I've noticed other things too.'

I fail this time to prevent the blush from creeping up my cheeks. I remember the incident she's referring to clear as day. It broke my heart to see her cut up like that and holding her in my arms as she cried and not being able to kiss her to take the pain away was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Trying not to get caught up too much in the memory, I shake it away and pull myself back to the present. Although she's explained how she knew I had feelings for her, she still hasn't explained why she was acting the way she was.

'Look Cath, I know I haven't hidden it very well and I'm sorry. But I'll forgive you for flirting with me to get me to admit my feelings if you can forgive me for feeling this way. And then we can forget this whole thing ever happened alright?'

I'm kind of pissed that she used her sexuality in this way on me. I mean I know I've called her on that kind of behaviour in the past when she's done it to get information out of suspects, but never in a million years did I think she'd use it on me. I'll be honest, it hurts. But since I appear to be so whipped these days, it looks like I'm willing to let it go if she's willing to let me live. Knowing that the love of my life is taken by somebody is going to be hard to come to terms with, but I'm hoping we can at least get some semblance of a friendship back after this mess. Then I can go back to secretly pining for her every night while alone in my apartment.

'Dammit Sara...I wasn't flirting with you just to get you to admit your feelings to me.'

Once again I'm forced to return to my seat after her latest revelation. Anger is a sexy emotion on her, and I can't help the tingle that runs through my body as I watch her stare angrily at me from across the table. She slammed her fist down as she spoke and it caused the fork to fall off the side of her plate. I look at it spinning around slowly between us, simply because if I continue to look at her while she's looking so sexy, I know I won't be able to stop myself from diving across the obstacle between us and throwing myself at her. Time is not on my side today however, and the fork stops moving all too soon. Now that I have no logical reason to keep my gaze on it, I have to look back up at her. She still looks angry but there's something else there now too. Hurt. I can see it in her eyes that I would think that little of her and it only serves to confuse me.

'Well...why were you flirting with me then Catherine?'

She's biting her lip in earnest now and I'm concerned that she might break the skin. She looks like she's about to say something, and trust me, I'd be hanging on her every word right now, but in the end she seems to think better of it and shakes her head slightly, staring intently at her now empty plate. I think I'm just about done with this conversation right now. I don't think I could survive any more revelations from her this morning.

'I'll see you tonight at work Catherine.'

Without giving her a chance to respond I'm up out my seat, for good this time, and out the door in seconds. It's been one of the most surreal mornings of my life and all I want to do is curl up in bed and over analyse every word that this beautiful woman said to me. I'm dying to know what her real reason for flirting with me was, but I'm not about to beg her to get her to reveal it. Chances are she was just using me to get information out of me and she's just too ashamed to admit it. I mean, she couldn't possibly have feelings for me right?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I know I know, I'm bad for not updating in so long. And you're going to say I should be updating Built to Survive too. I promise there is an update coming soon for that but I only had time for one update today and this one was already mostly written in my head. So I hope it's enough to keep you going until the next update!**

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**Catherine POV**

I watch as Sara sashays across the diner and exits through the door gracefully. I don't take my eyes off her until she's in her car and pulling out the lot. If anybody could see me now, they'd think I'd gone crazy, just staring dreamily out the window. Once I can no longer see the back of her Tahoe I refocus my attention on the last dregs of my coffee, sighing deeply into the mug.

'Well what a fine mess you've got yourself into now Willows.'

I've known that I've got feelings for Sara for a while now. The realisation came to me at the same time I figured out she liked me; on the case I reminded her about just a short time ago. Seeing such love and affection in her eyes made me realise that all those awkward glances and unnecessary touching on my part had actually meant something. It took me a while to figure it out, but now I have I'm no closer to knowing what to do anyway. I mean, like I told Sara, I have a girlfriend. Although that situation isn't exactly as simple as it might seem. Dump her and profess my love for Sara I hear you say. If only it was that simple.

As if to punctuate my point, my cell phone starts vibrating and I unclip it from my belt hoping that it's Sara already, or even the lab asking me to return and pull a double. In fact anything would be preferable to the name that does actually pop up. Lucy. For a moment I consider letting it ring out but I'm sure in the long run that won't be worth the hassle so I flip open my phone and prepare to put on my best cheerful voice. As it happens I won't need it because I can't get a word in edgeways as my girlfriend starts talking a mile a minute.

'_Catherine? Where are you? Shift finished over an hour ago. I need you to come home, we had plans remember? I'm at my apartment right now but I'll be at yours in half an hour so you better be there. OK bye.'_

The one sided conversation is a good example of how pretty much all of our interaction goes. Her saying, me doing. I can't remember the last time she didn't dismiss one of my ideas or suggestions immediately, only to replace it with one of her own. I'm at her beck and call constantly and more often than not I feel like a slave rather than a girlfriend. Draining the rest of my coffee in one gulp I leave the diner hurriedly, hoping I'll make it home before Lucy arrives.

The drive back goes quickly as I allow thoughts of Sara to invade my mind. She looked genuinely hurt at times during our conversation over breakfast and it hurts me just as much to know that she thinks I would manipulate her feelings like that. I decide I have to try and make this right as soon as possible. Turning into my street, my smile falters when I see Lucy is already sat on my doorstep waiting for me. Oh boy. I can see her already waiting to start arguing so I take my time in gathering my things and leaving the car, although it's only prolonging the inevitable.

'Where the hell have you been? You've been with that bitch Sara again haven't you?'

I have to bite my tongue in order to stop myself from getting too bitchy over that comment. Partly because I want to wait until we're inside to have this argument so that we don't give my neighbours a free show, but mostly because I don't want to prove her right by going on the defensive straight away. Holding the door open, I motion her inside before replying, giving myself a few extra precious seconds to formulate my response. Once she's safely in the hall she whirls on me and I turn my back to her and rest my head on the now closed front door. I can't look at her when I say this.

'I went for breakfast after shift with the guys. And yes Sara was there. But there's nothing going on. Lucy listen, I...'

'Like hell there isn't! I don't want you seeing her anymore. She's bad for you, she's trying to steal you away from me.'

This is going to take years if she keeps interrupting me. Removing my head from the door I turn to face her and I think she's almost shocked at the anger that must be present on my face because she actually shuts up long enough to let me talk.

'First of all, I'm not _yours_ for her to steal. We're in a relationship, you don't _own _me. And second, I'm tired of this. I can't do it anymore. I think we should take a break.'

I'm actually quite pleased with myself for saying that out loud, that is until I see the smirk Lucy is sporting as she stalks towards me like a lion after its prey. I can't help but back myself up as she approaches, wanting to keep some distance between us but she doesn't allow it. I'm backed up against the door in no time as she presses her body tightly against mine and leans in to whisper in my ear.

'You aren't going to dump me. You love your job too much for that.'

What? I'm confused by what she means but she doesn't appear to be willing to offer any sort of explanation, simply staring at me with that same horrible smirk on her face that makes me really want to wipe it off for her. That is, until it clicks.

'Oh God, you wouldn't.'

She seems pleased that I've finally figured out what she's getting at and I feel sick that I ever put myself in the position to be blackmailed like this. What am I going to do? There's not a lot of choice really. She's right after all. I do love my job too much to lose it, and I need the money to put a roof over mine and Lindsey's heads so there's really not much option. I look up and she's nodding her head at me, twirling her hair in her fingers like some innocent little school girl. Yeah right. I allow my shoulders to slump in defeat, causing her smirk to morph into a wide grin.

'Alright then, where are we going today again?'

She grabs me by the hand and I have to suppress the urge to yank it away. An image of Sara fleetingly runs through my mind but I push it away. That fantasy is never going to come true. If she knew the truth, she wouldn't want to come anywhere near me anyway. I allow myself to be pulled back out the house, not even having had time to change since finishing work, as Lucy's sing song voice reaches my ears once more.

'You're treating me to lunch at the Bellagio.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Catherine POV**

It's been 4 weeks since mine and Sara's breakfast date where we talked about her feelings for me. Wait, can we really call it a date when I have a girlfriend? I guess not. But while we're on that subject, nothing much has changed. I am still with Lucy, I haven't found a way of leaving her without being sure she won't follow through with her threat. And even worse, Sara isn't talking to me. I think she's still convinced that I played her to get her to admit her feelings to me, and I can't say I blame her. I've done nothing since that day to dispel her fears; I really don't know what to say to her. Whenever I'm around her I get those familiar butterflies in my stomach and I turn into a gibbering wreck. Not that she's much better, but she's got this brooding hatred for me going on that just makes me want to throw her up against the nearest wall and...oh hell, here she comes now.

'Hi Catherine.'

She walks into the break room with that sexy swagger of hers completely oblivious to what it does to me. I know she only said hello to be polite but its progress nonetheless. The last four weeks I've hardly managed to get a single word out of her.

'Hey Sara. We're on a B&E tonight. The boys are all stuck in the office catching up on paperwork.'

I internally cringe as I break the news to her. Since I'm not her favourite person right now I assume she's going to have something to say about us being paired together but amazingly she just nods and takes the slip out of my now trembling hand.

'I'll meet you at the car.'

The lack of emotion in her voice throughout this entire exchange worries me. I could deal with her ignoring and hating me, at least that showed she cared. But tonight, it seems like she's past all that and simply has no feelings regarding me whatsoever. This makes my heart ache in ways I never even imagined and I leap up from the table to follow her through the halls of the lab like a lost puppy dog. If she's getting over me, I'll be damned if I'm going to let her go without a fight. I'll figure out the small problem of my girlfriend at a later date.

* * *

We're safely in the car and on our way to our scene before either of us speaks up again. I managed to catch up with her at the entrance to the car park and simply walk by her side to the car too busy regaining my breath to say anything to her. Damn that girl can move. The silence now is deafening and I groan inwardly when we pass a road marker that indicates we've got another 30 miles yet before we reach our scene. This could be torture, so I decide to break the ice and be the first one to reach out. Clearly if I left it up to Sara, we'd spend the rest of our lives avoiding one another.

'So...how've you been? I've missed you the last few weeks.'

The nervousness is obvious in my voice and I curse myself for once again being unable to act normally around this woman. The only indication she's heard what I've said is a soft sigh and the tightening of her hands around the steering wheel. I'm about to plough on and say something else when she interrupts me, though it's hardly the response I would have hoped for.

'Don't do this Catherine.'

I must look confused as hell, though how she notices I don't know as her eyes are fixed firmly on the road ahead, never wavering for a second. But she carries on regardless, somehow sensing my hesitance.

'Don't make small talk like you didn't break my heart a month ago.'

Her confession hits me like a ton of bricks and it almost breaks _my _heart to know I've caused her such pain. Her knuckles are almost white now from gripping the steering wheel so tightly and it's with some relief that I notice Sara's pulled over into a layby at the side of the road. Quite why, I'm not entirely sure but I'm glad because she shouldn't be driving when she's this emotional. I really have no idea what to say in response so I settle for action instead. Slowly reaching forward I pry her fingers gently away from the wheel and cover them with my own hands. Her fingers are ice cold so I rub them gently to warm them, aware that my touch is eliciting some sort of emotional reaction in her at the same time. The last thing I want to do is hurt her more, but I need this contact almost as much as she does.

'I never wanted to break your heart Sara. Please believe me.'

The sound of the engine ticking over is the only thing I can hear as she visibly mulls over my words. I can see a whole myriad of emotions playing across her face and somewhere in the back of my mind I note that it's only around me that she lets herself be read like this. To everyone else she's a closed book; that's why she has this reputation of being this emotionless robot at work. But I know better. It doesn't look like she's going to respond to my words but her hands have relaxed somewhat in mine so I take a chance and begin tracing soft circles on the inside of her wrists. I expect her to pull away but surprisingly she actually leans in towards me slightly and closes her eyes.

'I've missed you too Catherine.'

Her words come out a whisper but I hear them easily enough, the heat in the car rising at the same rate my fingers are on her inner forearms. By now my fingers have reached the edges of her sleeves and I slide my fingers teasingly underneath every time I complete a full circle on her beautifully soft skin. Oh how I would love to be touching more of her, but I'll settle for this right now. It's easily the most erotic moment I've had in months and I'm not ready to give it up just yet. Fleetingly I wonder what that says about my relationship with Lucy if just touching Sara's arms beats any moment with her but I push that thought quickly away; I don't want to waste time thinking about her when I'm with Sara.

'Do you uh...do you think we could try being friends again?'

It takes me a moment to process what she's said and I allow my fingers to come to a standstill on her skin as I think about her request. Although being friends with her will be painful, it'll be a hell of a lot easier than what we've been doing the last few weeks so I nod eagerly, allowing a small smile to grace my lips for the first time since we had breakfast last month.

'I'd like that a lot Sara.'

I don't even recognise my own voice when I speak, the heat of the moment and my own lust getting the better of me and causing it to lower considerably and sound incredibly husky. It has an effect on Sara too, as I feel her visibly shake underneath my touch, which has now resumed on her forearms.

'Catherine...'

Sara's voice is just as low as mine now and it sends shivers down my spine at how turned on she sounds. Her cheeks are tinged pink and I can still feel her trembling underneath my touch. All it would take is a slight movement forward on my part and I could kiss her to release all this pent up sexual tension, but before I have time to contemplate that idea, she's pulled away from my touch and is practically flattening herself against the side of her door.

'Cath...if we're going to be friends, you can't do that.'

I really take in her appearance as I consider how to respond to that. The last thing I want to do right now is fall out with her, but her wide eyed look, her flushed cheeks and shaking hands all tell me that she's as turned on as I am and if I were to throw myself at her right now, there's no way she'd turn me down. But then I think about her request, and the painful four weeks I've just spent without her and I realise that being her friend is something I need to do before I can be anything else to her. I smile and nod at her gratefully, opening the window on my side to release some of the tension in the car.

'You're right Sara, I'm sorry it won't happen again.'

She looks at me for a long while before coming to some sort of internal decision and pulls back out onto the road towards our scene. I can't help the smile that graces my lips as we drive. I feel like progress has been made tonight. Not even the thought of what I have to do in order to be with Sara can dampen my mood right now, although at some point in the near future I'm going to have to worry about it, and worry about it a lot. If I'm ever going to be with Sara, I'm going to have to finish with Lucy. And that means telling the truth about our relationship and possibly losing everything I've fought for my entire life.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm sleepy but I wanted to get this up before I went to bed, hence I haven't checked it through so sorry if there are any mistakes or anything. Anyway I hhope you like it! Also, it's been a while since I shamelessly begged for reviews so pretty please? Reviews = quicker and longer chapters :)**

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**Catherine POV**

I cast my eyes over Grissom's office as I wait for my supervisor to turn up for our scheduled meeting. His various bugs and dead things are adorning his walls like some prize trophies and I can't help but shiver at the sight of some of the things he has in here. It makes me glad that they're all dead; I don't think I could have requested this meeting take place in his office if any of these critters were living. Even after the team insisted Gil move his pet tarantula to his office, we were all uneasy about entering for a while afterwards in fear of what else he might have brought in. Brilliant the man might be, but his social skills with human beings don't compare to his love for all creatures great and small.

'Sorry Catherine, Ecklie collared me in the corridor and you know how anal he can be about overtime. What is it you wanted to see me about that was so important you've come in for your shift an hour early?'

The sound of Grissom's voice filtering in as he enters behind me causes my entire body to go rigid with nerves. This is the moment I've been dreading since mine and Sara's conversation on the way to our scene last week. The conversation after which I decided I have to tell the truth if I'm to have any chance of breaking up with Lucy and making a go of it with Sara.

I hear the door shutting quietly and I waited impatiently as I hear Grissom's shuffling feet coming closer and closer. I haven't got the nerve to look at him so I keep my gaze firmly on the floor as I see him out of the corner of my eye sloping past me and finally coming to rest in his chair on the opposite side of his desk to me.

'Catherine?'

The sound of his voice calling my name shakes me out my reverie and I realise that I completely ignored his first question. Not a great way to start this conversation. If I'm about to completely ruin my life, I'm going to need all the friends I've got in the aftermath and I'll count Gil in that group.

'Sorry, my mind was wandering. Um...I need to speak to you about something. Something...in my personal life. And it's going to affect work and I just thought you should know about it and I didn't mean for it to get this far but it all took me by surprise and before I knew it she was blackmailing me and...'

The sight of Grissom's eyebrows shooting up at my mention of blackmail draws me to the fact he looks completely lost and I realise I've been babbling. I release a shaky sigh as I realise this isn't going at all the way I'd hoped. The tears pricking at the corners of my eyes are threatening to fall and before I even realise what I'm doing I'm standing up, eyeing the door eagerly.

'Catherine wait, sit back down. Please. Talk to me.'

I'm torn between ignoring his request and fleeing the office and abiding by Grissom's request and sitting back down. After all, it's not often the man actually willingly puts himself in these types of situations and my obvious distress must be concerning him somewhat. Thoughts of Sara enter my brain then and I decide that I have to do this right now. Sucking in a deep, steadying breath I sit back down and meet Grissom's eyes for the first time since our meeting began.

'I have a girlfriend.'

To his credit, Grissom hardly reacts to this news. The only sign he's even heard what I said is the slightest twitch in one of his eyebrows and the way he purses his lips as he rests his chin on his outstretched fingers. It's almost as if I've just presented him with a puzzling case to work on, rather than having just outed myself to him.

'I see. And...how is this going to affect your work exactly?'

Somewhere deep down I know I should be glad that he hasn't reacted badly. Despite how widely accepted it is these days, I know there are still some people who can't bring themselves to accept this sort of thing. However, right now I'd give anything for any sort of emotional react from my supervisor right now. I'm on the verge of having a breakdown over this and he doesn't even see it as important enough to get out of his seat. But then, I haven't told him the whole story yet. Shifting in my seat uncomfortably, I begin to speak.

* * *

My hands don't stop shaking until I make it to my car and am safely out of the lot. Given the conversation we just had and how emotional I just got, Grissom has given me the night off to recover. He figures it's probably best if I'm not around while he sorts out, in his words, 'my little problem' and I'm not about to argue with him. He's always had this nack of dealing with Ecklie that I could never manage so I'm quite happy to leave it up to him. Pulling into my driveway I see Lucy's car in the road and immediately the nerves start. It's too late to back out now that I've come clean at work but it doesn't make what I'm about to do any easier.

Pushing the front door shut behind me I see her sitting on the couch waiting for me. She jumps up as soon as my presence becomes known and it's obvious to me that she's abot to launch into some tirade about something I've inevitably done wrong so I beat her to it, getting straight to the point so I can get her out of my house as soon as possible.

'Lucy, it's over. I don't want to see you again. Please leave.'

I'm proud of myself for sounding as authoritative as I do but she just completely ignores me as she walks towards me with that same stupid grin on her face.

'Ooh Cath Cath Cath, I thought we talked about this? You can't dump me. I know too much.'

She's practically nose to nose with me now and I straighten up as much as I can so that I'm towering over her by a couple of inches. It's not much but it makes me feel slightly better about the situation.

'That's where you're wrong actually. Now get out of my house and don't contact me again.'

There's a split second where I think she might actually hit me as her nostrils flare and she clenches and unclenches her hands several times as she attempts to stare me down. In the end she seems to think better of it, whirling round to grab her purse before opening my front door.

'You'll regret this Catherine, I promise you that.'

With that the door is slammed and she's gone. I hear her car start up and speed off down the street, not once having moved from my spot in the hallway. My phone ringing in my pocket snaps me out of my reverie and all the tension leaves my body as I come to a sudden realisation. I'm single.

* * *

**Sara POV**

I'm wandering the corridors aimlessly when I see them. I'm yet to go home from last night's shift, having pulled a double in order to solve a case as a personal favour to the sheriff so Grissom said I could have tonight off in exchange. There's only half an hour until the shift starts and I figure I'll hang around to see the guys for a few minutes before I go home. Oh hell who am I kidding? I'm hanging around to see Catherine. She was given last night off for some reason and I missed her. Plus there's something that's been bothering me for a couple of weeks now and I need to tell her before it causes me to lose any more sleep. Anyway, I'm wandering the corridors aimlessly when I see Catherine and Grissom coming out of his office. They look deep in conversation as I approach but I figure it won't be private if they're out in the hall so I don't hang back and wait for them to finish.

'...don't worry Cath I'm taking care of it. Nobody else will have to find out. Now stop worrying about it.'

My curiosity is piqued immediately but as soon as the two of them see me they look a little startled and Grissom bids us farewell before stumbling off down the corridor, leaving me and Catherine alone.

'What was that all about?'

I try to keep my voice light hearted, like I'm not absolutely dying to know what's going on with her but I fail miserably and I'm sure she sees right through me.

'Uh...nothing, just something to do with a case I'm working on.'

I know it's a lie, and she knows I know it's a lie but I'm so whipped that I decide to let it drop for now. I guess if it's important enough she'll let me in on it at some point. I remember there was a reason I wanted to talk to her then and guide her gently towards an empty lab across the hall to afford us some privacy. She looks confused as I push the door shut behind us and make sure nobody is currently working in here so I try to ease her concern by placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. I decide just to get it over and done with quickly and open my mouth to speak but Catherine seems to have other ideas, getting in there before me with a statement that shocks me into silence.

'I broke up with Lucy today.'

Woah. I did not see that one coming. It's been so long since I admitted my feelings to her that I figured if she were going to finish with her for me it would have happened by now. Not that I ever expected her to do that anyway. I'm still not sure that she likes me in that way anyway, and even if she did, I would never expect her to finish a relationship just to be with me. Either way like I said, it's been that long since all this that I figured she had just forgotten about the whole thing and was going on with her relationship as normal. Seems I couldn't have been more wrong.

'You...you...broke up?'

Jesus Sidle, what is it about this woman that renders you unable to form coherent sentences?

'Yeah, I broke up with her. And I know this is all kind of sudden and all and I totally understand if you say no, but I was wondering um...well...if you would uh...like to go out to dinner with me some time?'

WOAH.

This conversation is getting more surreal by the minute. I guess that answers my question about whether or not she does have feelings for me. Unless this is just a really cruel joke. No, Catherine wouldn't do that to me. Give her a little more credit Sidle huh? I can feel my cheeks burning up as she looks at me with such a cute look on her face while biting her lower lip nervously. She's waiting for my answer and I really don't know what to say. Ironically, this actually ties in to what I was about to say to her.

'Your timing really sucks you know that?'

Now she looks confused and more than a little upset. I can't blame her to be honest. If you ask somebody on a date and the immediate answer isn't a yes, you know it's eventually going to be a no and I literally cannot believe that I'm about to do this to her. But I have no choice really. Really I don't. And if I keep telling myself that then eventually maybe I'll believe it. I need to get out of here quickly before I say or do something inappropriate so I fling the door open with such force that the pieces of paper pinned to the wall beside it flutter forcefully, a few of them falling to the floor. Turning back to the woman of my dreams, I utter the words I never ever thought I would have to, the words that will probably hurt me just as much as they are going to hurt her.

'Catherine I'm sorry, I can't go on a date with you...because I have a girlfriend.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Sara POV**

As soon as the words are out of my mouth I'm out the door and walking down the corridor as fast I can possibly go without arousing suspicion from anybody who might see me. This really isn't how I wanted Catherine to find out I had a girlfriend. I had intended to tell her so that she knew I wasn't expecting her to finish with Lucy just for me. In love with her I may be, but I would never break up somebody else's relationship for my own personal gain, I'm just not that kind of person. Besides, I didn't think Catherine was either since up until today she had stayed with Lucy. I'm left wondering what could have prompted Catherine to break up with her, but that way lies madness. I'll end up over thinking it to death and coming to my own conclusions rather than the truth. Besides, she asked me out on a date immediately after letting me know she was single, her motive for becoming single is pretty clear isn't it?

'Sara! Sara wait, stop!'

Dammit.

I thought I would have shocked her enough to leave her immobile while I made my getaway but apparently not because when I stop and turn there comes Catherine Willows down the corridor towards me looking less than happy.

'You have a _girlfriend?_'

Heads in the nearby labs turn quickly as Catherine's voice reached levels of volume I never knew she possessed. Oh boy. Seems I'm well and truly out of the closet now. Grabbing Catherine by the arm I pull her into the locker room away from prying eyes.

'Thank you very much Catherine for dragging me kicking and screaming out of the closet.'

She doesn't even seem to hear me as she paces back and forth in front of me. I can't help thinking how sexy she is when she's angry. No Sidle, bad thoughts.

'It's probably none of my business, but just how long have you _had _a girlfriend? Were you with her when you were telling me you liked me?'

Alright, now I'm getting angry. How dare she? It's moments like this that make me so frustrated with this woman. Why oh why did I have to fall for her? I stand quickly and get right in her face. I know she hates it when people do that and in my current state I want her to feel as uncomfortable as I do during this confrontation.

'First of all Catherine, it was _you _who put my feelings out in the open. I was quite happy to go the rest of my life without embarrassing myself like that. And you're right, it _is _none of your business how long I've been with my girlfriend, but since you asked...I met her a few weeks ago when it became apparent that you were playing with my feelings by pretending you felt the same.'

A look of hurt flashes across her features as she digests my words and for a second I feel slightly guilty but then I remind myself of why we're having this argument in the first place and my guilt disappears. We're practically nose to nose right now, me hovering over her with the few extra inches of height I have on her. My intention is to make myself look as angry as I feel but clearly I need to practice that look as before I know it Catherine has pushed me backwards and has pressed her lips to mine.

I'm kissing Catherine. No no. _Catherine_ is kissing _me. _Oh my God!

Wait, I need to stop this. Taking one last second to savour the feeling of her lips on mine I push her away as the guilt immediately takes over. How am I going to face my girlfriend now?

'Dammit Catherine. I told you I have a girlfriend, what are you playing at?'

Her face falls as she thinks I didn't enjoy that as much as she did. No need to correct her at this point, no matter how much I might like to.

'I thought you liked me Sara?'

Good lord, this woman will be the death of me. But I have to do the right thing now. I have to.

'Cath, you know how I feel about you. But it wouldn't be fair on Becky if I finish with her just because you're suddenly available. I'm sorry.'

I need to get out of here before my quickly crumbling resolves disappears altogether. I can see tears in her eyes and I've never been able to deal with crying women at the best of times, never mind when it's the woman I love. I can't resist leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on her cheek, feeling her lean into the touch as I do. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to but I leave her there in the locker room without saying another word.

* * *

Arriving back at my apartment I lean my forehead against the cool exterior of the front door in an attempt to compose myself before entering. I've never been one to hide guilt very well, it seems to radiate from me but in this case I know I need to make a concerted effort to keep what happened at the lab a secret. It would break Becky's heart fi she knew I had cheated on her and I don't want to cause her that kind of pain.

All of a sudden my world is being turned upside down as the front door opens unexpectedly and I begin to fall forwards. I clatter into Becky as she tries in vain to catch me but neither of our reactions are up to scratch and we both end up in a heap on the floor. Brilliant. Just the end I might have expected after the day I've had. I roll onto my back and can't help the laughter that escapes my throat.

'Babe? You alright?'

Becky is already on her feet looking down at me with a concerned expression on her face and a hand reaching out to help me up, but for some reason all I can do is lie there on my floor and laugh. If I didn't laugh, I'd have to cry. Eventually I allow her to pull me to my feet and we collapse onto the couch in a comfortable silence, save for the occasional chuckle still escaping me. I feel Becky's fingers tracing the edge of my pants, a sure fire sign that she wants to be intimate but I just can't bring myself to do that right now. Particularly when thoughts of Catherine are still plaguing my brain. Grabbing her hand I kiss her palm gently and snuggle deeper into her embrace.

'Sorry babe I had a rough case today, do you mind if we just chill out and watch TV?'

She wraps her arms around me and kisses the top of my head tenderly. It takes all of my willpower not to tense up in her arms.

'Of course. Do you wanna talk about it?'

I'm pretty certain that 'I kissed the woman I'm madly in love with today' isn't the proper response here so I settle for staring avidly at the TV and shaking my head. I know if I had to look at her right now she'd know there was something wrong. She's quite intuitive like that.

As we waste away the hours just watching crappy daytime TV, but one thought now occupies my mind. What the hell am I going to do?

* * *

The following night I make my way to work with some trepidation. I haven't seen or spoken to Catherine since I left her in the locker room the previous night and I genuinely have no idea now she's going to respond towards me. Coming into the break room, I see Greg already here making some of his famous expensive coffee so I slide up to him and flash him a cheeky grin in order to try and bag myself a cup of it. As it happens, I don't need to as he's already got a steaming mug ready for me.

'So Sara, what's all this I hear about you having a girlfriend?'

Oh God, word's gotten around already. I've been so preoccupied thinking about how to handle Catherine that I've completely forgotten about her outing me in front of the entire lab. I can feel myself blushing as I take the mug wordlessly and slump down on the couch as far away from him as I can get. My plan doesn't work though as he simply follows me and sits staring at me wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

'Yes Greg, I've got a girlfriend.'

I couldn't have timed it more perfectly if I tried, as Nick and Warrick enter the room just as I speak. Their eyes go wide as they high five each other and wolf whistle. Beginning to feel like I'm in some sort of zoo, I down my coffee and slam the mug down hard on the side. That gets their attention.

'Guys. I'm gay. Get over it. I'm not in the mood for your childish comments today alright?'

The three of them look suitably chastised and I feel guilty for taking my frustration out on them. Offering a weak smile in apology I attempt to make my escape but I'm blocked at the door by Grissom brandishing assignment slips.

'Woah, slow down Sara. You need one of these before you go anywhere. 419 out in Henderson. Take Greg with you.'

My gaze falls upon the young CSI and I can just tell from his expression that the teasing has by no means ended yet. Sighing, I wave him over as Nick and Warrick receive their own slips. We're almost out the door when a comment from Grissom stops me dead.

'As you might have noticed, Catherine's not here tonight.'

The man waits until he has all of our attention before continuing. Typical of him; he just loves to create suspense when it's really not necessary. No doubt she's too mad at me and has just feigned illness or something. My concern increases slightly when Grissom ushers us back into the room and around the couch like some sort of school group.

'I'm afraid Catherine's been suspended until further notice.'

WHAT?

Now that is the very last thing I had been expecting, and all of a sudden my stomach's doing flips and my heart is going a mile a minute.

'That's crazy Griss. What's happened?'

Thank you Nick, for voicing what we are all no doubt wondering. Grissom looks almost as ill as I feel at this point and my bad feeling is finally confirmed when he responds in an almost confused voice.

'Abuse of illegal narcotics.'


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Only one, maybe two more to go with this now. This chapter finally reveals what's been going on with Catherine. The italics are flashbacks. Hope you like. Reviews make me write faster :)**

* * *

**Catherine POV**

I'm sat in my living room in the dark when the doorbell goes. I know I should probably answer it but I've drunk way too much red wine to be able to walk in a straight line and the thought of it being any of my colleagues on the other side is enough to convince me to ignore it. Shift started an hour ago, so no doubt they'll all have heard about my suspension by now. It's crazy how much my life has become unravelled in the space of a couple of days. The insistent ringing of the bell lets me know that whoever is on the other side of the door isn't going away any time soon so reluctantly I climb off the couch and stumble towards the door, flinging it open dramatically in my intoxicated state.

'Oh. It's you.'

It figures after the day I've had that the very last person I would want to see me like this has turned up on my doorstep. The one and only Sara Sidle. And boy is she looking pissed. So pissed in fact that I seriously contemplate slamming the door in her face and hiding from her, but even after the amount of alcohol I've drunk, my desire to spend time with her wins out against my desire to avoid a confrontation. I step aside silently to allow her entry and she wastes no time in beginning her rant.

'What the hell Catherine? Drugs? I mean really, what the hell is going on with you? I thought I knew you quite well but it turns out I have no idea who this person is standing in front of me.'

She's using standing in the loosest term of the word, as I'm practically holding myself up by clinging to the bookshelf in my living room. In her current state of anger she doesn't seem to have noticed yet and I'll be damned if I'm going to let her stay long enough to figure it out. The last thing I need right now is to give her more ammunition against me. I'd like to explain myself but I don't think I could do the whole situation justice in my current state so getting her to leave without further damaging our relationship so that I can make amends another day is the best I can hope for right now.

'Sara, listen I'm not really feeling very well so...'

'So what are you using huh? Coke? Weed? Smack? Come on Cath, why don't you try being honest with me for once, you...'

I was having trouble following Sara's raving after she interrupted me but I'm aware enough to notice that she's trailed off without finishing her sentence and appears to be staring at something on my coffee table. Shit. I forgot to throw away the empty wine bottle. Oh well, there goes hiding my drunkenness from her.

'Have you been drinking?'

I push away from the book case then, figuring there's no point in hiding it from her anymore. I'm quite unsteady on my feet though and I tumble forward, just catching myself in time by grabbing hold of the edge of the couch.

'No, it's a new ornament. I poured the liquid down the sink.'

Shit.

Now is not the time to try being funny, as evidenced by the way Sara throws her arms up in the air and drags me into a sitting position onto the couch. I can't help giggling at the expression on her face. It's somewhere between anger and frustration. She doesn't seem to find it as funny as I do though.

'You're pretty.'

My declaration only makes things worse, if that were possible, and Sara disappears from my view without responding to it. I don't have the energy or the required control over my body to figure out where she went so it's a good thing that she reappears a few moments later with a large glass of water and some aspirin.

'Take these, and get some sleep.'

Damn her for being so sensible and wanting to look after me after everything I've put her through. This woman even thinks I'm some sort of drug addict right now and despite me not currently being capable of explaining otherwise, she still wants to make sure I'm alright. What did I ever do to deserve her in my life?

I swallow the pills and down the water in one go before allowing her to lead me to my bedroom. It isn't exactly the ideal circumstances for how I wanted this to happen for the first time but I'll take what I can get right now. The room's beginning to spin and I don't even object when Sara starts undressing me. I'm not quite too far gone to notice the blush on her cheeks once I'm down to my underwear and that gives me hope. Hope that once I've sobered up we'll be able to talk about this and sort out this huge mess.

'Promise me something Sara.'

I'm certain she has trouble understanding my slurred words because she cocks her head at me curiously and takes a few minutes to respond. It's a cute look on her but no doubt I'll have forgotten it by the morning.

'What's that Catherine?'

She's talking to me like I would talk to Lindsey and I can't say I blame her. I must look a right state slumped in bed half naked, unable to form coherent sentences. I can't help the tears that begin to make their way down my cheeks either and they only serve to increase my embarrassment even further. Sara seems to take pity on me then and she sits down on the side of my bed to gently wipe my tears away.

'Cath, what is going on with you?'

I want to reply, I really do, but the combination of alcohol and crying has me hiccupping so badly that I can't get my words out. I feel Sara's hand on my back rubbing soothing circles and it calms me to the point where I feel I can talk again. The feel of her hand on my bare skin also does something else to me, but I won't go into that now. One step at a time.

'Promise me Sara. Promise me tomorrow that you'll let me explain. It's not what it looks like, I swear.'

I have to admit, if I was Sara right now I wouldn't want anything else to do with me. But luckily for me it's in her nature to forgive and forget so after a few tortuous minutes in which she doesn't say or do anything, I'm finally rewarded with a nod and a small smile. That's enough for me right now, and I allow myself to drift off to sleep with the feeling of Sara's comforting touch still on my back.

* * *

The first thing I become aware of when I wake up is that my mouth is dry as hell. I mean seriously, it feels like I've got half the Mojave in there. Even with my eyes closed, the light from my window is blindingly painful. I guess I forgot to close them last night before I went to sleep. Oh God, last night. Sara was here last night. Jesus, did I make a fool of myself or what. I run through the conversation, at least what I can remember of it, in my head and decide that it could have gone better, but it could also have gone a lot worse. At least I've got the promise of the chance to explain myself. And I'm thinking after everything that's happened the last few days I'd better make it a damn good explanation too.

Dragging myself out of bed I stumble into the shower in an effort to make myself look presentable. If I'm to see Sara today I want to look as good as I possibly can even with a raging hangover. Drying myself off I throw on some sweats and a vest top before going downstairs to attempt food. I'm halfway down the hall when I hear noises coming from the kitchen. Glancing at the clock I see it's too late for Lindsey to still be here which makes me nervous about who could possibly be here. Burglars are unlikely to help themselves to breakfast while they rob me so I decide either my mother or sister must have let themselves in. I'm in for a shock though when I open the door and come face to face with Sara, spatula in hand and looking more than a little sheepish.

'Hey, you're up. I thought I'd make us breakfast. You feeling up to food?'

She's here. In my house. I assumed she would have gone home last night after I feel asleep but she's actually here right now. Wow. I must have been a better sweet talker than I remember while drunk.

'You stayed?'

I have to ask. I have to make sure she's here because she wants to be, not just because her car wouldn't start or something. I find myself holding my breath as I wait for her answer.

'Um, yeah. I hope that's OK? I slept on the couch. I figured you would want to have that chat sooner rather than later.'

And that's when it hits me. I love this woman. All the arguments in the past, the disagreements, Lucy, the kiss, this whole drugs thing, it all boils down to one thing. I'm in love with her. This revelation shocks me for a moment. I knew I had feelings for her, strong feelings, but to suddenly realise as she's standing in my kitchen making me breakfast even when she thinks I've been taking drugs, that I'm in love with this amazing woman? Well, that can knock a girl for six.

'It's more than OK Sara.'

I flash her a smile as she places a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me before sitting down to her own. Neither of us eat much though as we both ponder how to start off this extremely awkward conversation. Having just realised that I'm in love with the woman, I don't want to say anything that will push her even further away. I'm conveniently forgetting for now that she has a girlfriend. That's a problem I'll deal with at a later date. I decide I'd better start explaining myself before she gets tired of waiting. Here goes.

'It was coke.'

'Huh?'

Sara looks up from her breakfast with the cutest confused expression on her face. It makes me want to lean over the table and kiss her senseless. No, focus Catherine.

'You asked me last night what drugs it was. It was coke. And it was only one time. And you have _got _to believe me, I didn't know I had taken it until afterwards.'

Hearing it out loud for the second time in as many days doesn't make it sound any better. When I told this story to Grissom he looked just as sceptical as Sara does right now. I know how they feel, I'd have trouble believing it too, but it's the truth and I'll die trying to get her to see that.

'Alright, this is what happened...'

'_Babe, you're going to be late for work. Don't forget you said you would drop me off at the Bellagio first.'_

_I groan from my prone position on the couch. I've been feeling under the weather for a few days now and no matter what medicine I try I just can't get over it. I watch as Lucy walks into the room, concern covering her features as she sees me laid out and sweating like a dog._

'_Catherine, you really shouldn't go to work like that. Take a sick day or something.'_

_I nod my head no and attempt to stand up, but all I can do is half sit up before flopping back down again._

'_I can't. There's a double murder that needs solving. I promised Sara I would work a double with her tonight to try and solve it.'_

_Lucy shakes her head at me and disappears upstairs. For a second she seems pissed off with me but the look is gone as soon as it had appeared so I put it down to her not wanting us to be late. I can hear her rattling around in the bathroom before she's back by my side with a couple of pills in her hand and a glass of water._

'_Take these babe. They'll make you feel better. It's some cold and flu medicine I picked up on my way home yesterday. They'll have you on your feet in no time.'_

_She smiles sweetly at me and I swallow them down in one gulp. It's about half an hour before I start to feel better but they do seem to work well and I'm on my way to work in no time._

_It's the next day before I return home. The double shift was a killer but the pills I took seemed to perk me up no end. I figure the ten cups of coffee I drank also had something to do with it so I collapse onto my bed with the sole purpose of going to sleep. I'm just drifting off when I hear the front door open and close and Lucy coming up the stairs. So much for my sleep._

'_Hey babe, how was your day?'_

_I roll over and face her, a smile plastered on my lips._

'_Great. We solved the case and those pills you got me really worked. What were they called again?'_

_I watch as she comes to sit beside me, a strange smirk on her face._

'_That's the funny thing. They were cold and flu tablets originally, but I added my own little recipe in too. It was cocaine.'_

_I sit straight up in bed in complete and utter shock._

'_WHAT?'_

_She has the audacity to laugh at my reaction and I can't quite believe what I'm hearing. She gave me coke? What the hell?_

'_Calm down Catherine. It was only like half a gram. And it worked didn't it? You solved your case?'_

_I'm in utter shock that she thinks this is in any way acceptable. I had known that she did the stuff socially with her friends a couple times a month when she went out and it was something I was trying to get her to stop, but I never thought she would do something like this._

'_Get out. Get out of my house and out of my life. How could you do this? I could get fired.'_

_She doesn't seem to hear my words as she continues to smirk at me. If I wasn't so tired right now I'd wipe that smirk off her face and carry her out of my house myself._

'_Oh I don't think so Catherine. Like you say, you'd get fired if your boss knew. So it'd be a shame if somebody were to let slip to the media about how you worked a case while coked up wouldn't it?'_

_I can't believe she's done this. How did I let myself get into this situation? There's no way I can risk losing my job. That job puts food in Lindsey's mouth and a roof over our heads. Besides, I love my job too. Lucy is staring at me like she's waiting for my next move but all I can do is nod silently, still in shock at this turn of events. That seems to be enough for her and I have to physically stop myself from jerking away from her when she leans forward to kiss me on the cheek._

'_Great, now get some sleep. We're going out tonight._

'...and ever since that night, every time I tried to break things off with her she threatened to tell Grissom about it. I was trapped Sara, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lose my job. You have to believe me.'

The tears are falling freely now and I risk a glance over at Sara. I haven't looked at her the entire time I've been telling my story, for fear of what I'd see in her face. But now she just looks shocked. Not disappointed or angry, just shocked. And I can't say I blame her to be honest. When she stands up I half expect her to just leave, but instead she rounds the table and pulls me into a strong embrace. I don't say anything, I don't know what I could possibly say right now. So instead I just let her hold me whilst I cry.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Well, this is the end! I hope you all ejoyed it. And thank you to all who reviewed or added an alert.**

* * *

**Sara POV**

To say I'm shocked by Catherine's explanation of her suspension from work would be the understatement of the year. Her girlfriend drugged her with cocaine? I mean seriously, for real? Well, she sure can pick them I'll give her that. My only thought as I pull her into a hug is how much it hurts me to see her in this much pain. When I stood up the fear on her face made it obvious that she thought I was on my way out of the door. How could she even think that? I'm astounded by what this woman has been through whilst in a relationship with that bitch Lucy and a lot of things sure make more sense now. As I'm holding Catherine in my arms while she cries in the middle of her kitchen it strikes me that this is how it could be every day for us if only I didn't have Becky. Minus the crying of course. But then I feel guilty for thinking this way. I can't hurt Becky like that, no matter how much I love this woman.

'Hey Catherine, come on let's get you upstairs. I think you could benefit from a few more hours sleep.'

I don't think she even has the energy to reply as she clings to me for dear life while I practically drag her upstairs. By the time we reach her room she's stopped sniffling and has buried her face in my neck. I can feel her breath on my skin and although it's completely inappropriate I can also feel my body responding to her. Her arms are wrapped around my waist and without even realising it I've been rubbing comforting circles on her back. It's an extremely intimate embrace and we just stand there at the bottom of her bed like that for a few minutes.

'Please don't go.'

Never have I been more tempted by anything in my entire life than I am by those three words. What I wouldn't give to just fall into bed next to her right now. But it wouldn't be right, and I'm suddenly struck by the thought that I'm supposed to be meeting Becky in an hour and I still need to go home and get showered. Slowly I lower Catherine down onto the bed and tuck her in. I don't bother removing her clothes; she's only wearing sweats anyway and I think the sight of an underwear clad Catherine would just tip me over the edge.

'Catherine, I have to go I've got things to do. But I promise I'll come back to see you tonight alright?'

A pair of arms are wrapped around my neck and before I realise what's happening Catherine has pulled me in for another hug. It's quite awkward, with me leaning over the bed and her sitting up slightly. I can smell her perfume now that our roles are reversed and it's my face buried in her neck and the urge to kiss her is just becoming too great. I need to get out of here soon. I ease myself out the hug and she resumes her position back on the bed. I however seem to have gotten stuck leaning over the bed, which means that I'm now mere inches away from her beautiful face. We're so close that I can feel her breath on my lips. As I look into her eyes all I can see is love for me and I'm leaning down before I realise what I'm doing.

The feeling of her lips on mine seems to shock me back to reality and I pull away slowly, my eyes still closed. I daren't open them for fear of what I might do if I have to look into her eyes again so I stand up and put some distance between us before I look at her.

I'll uh...I'll see you later.'

I make my way out of the house quietly, closing the front door behind me. Leaning back against it I take a moment to compose myself before heading for home. It's becoming quite apparent to me that despite my best efforts I cannot stay away from Catherine, and this gives me a huge dilemma. What do I do about Becky?

* * *

I'm already seated in the restaurant when I see Becky making her way towards me from across the room. Taking a deep breath, I prepare myself for the inevitable guilt that I feel when she leans down and kisses me lightly on the cheek in greeting. She seems genuinely pleased to see me which only makes me feel worse about the whole situation. I force myself to listen as she tells me about her day so far but I can't help my mind constantly wandering back to Catherine. I wonder if she's awake yet, how she's feeling and if she's thinking about me too. It's only when I notice Becky staring at me intently that I realise she's asked me a question and is waiting for an answer.

'Sorry babe, I'm a bit preoccupied today. What did you say?'

She looks at me strangely then, and it freaks me out a little bit. It's like she can see right through me and...oh god. She must know. Shit! I begin to panic slightly as I frantically think of a way to explain this to her, but she beats me to it.

'You really love her don't you?'

Christ. I decide to play dumb for a while and let her do most of the talking. I'm a coward I know.

'Huh?'

She smiles at me, as if she knows that I know who she's referring to.

'Catherine. You talk about her all the time. And since she got suspended you've been all over the place. Does she feel the same?'

Well shit. I did not see that coming. But then I really should have. My girlfriend is a genius and I'm awful at keeping secrets. I should have known she would figure it out eventually.

'Becky I'm really sorry. I never meant to hurt you I swear.'

She takes my hand across the table and smiles warmly at me. It's really not the reaction I was expecting, which throws me a little so I just sit there with what I imagine is a pretty dumb look on my face.

'I'm not one to stand in the way of true love. Go to her.'

I'm still struggling for words as she rises from her seat and kisses me on the cheek before leaving. I realise I can't leave it like this so throw a few notes on the table and chase after her.

'Becky, wait!'

She's half way across the parking lot when she hears me and I don't give her a chance to speak as I practically throw myself at her and pull her in for a hug. She seems surprised but returns the embrace before pulling back.

'We can still be friends right?'

Despite what has happened I do really enjoy her company and I still want her in my life in some way.

'You bet Sidle. Now go get her tiger.'

* * *

It's a few hours later when I finally turn up at Catherine's house. I know I said this morning that I'd see her later but I never specified a time and I wanted my arrival to be a surprise so I didn't ring ahead but now I'm nervous about this. What if she's asleep, or gone out? I spend so long debating this on her porch that I'm startled when the front door opens, revealing the woman of my dreams in the same clothes I left her in earlier. Her hair is all messed up and she looks sleepy. I'm guessing she's been in bed the entire time I've been gone.

'Were you going to stand out here all night or were you planning on knocking any time soon?'

I'm so struck by her beauty that I can't find it in myself to speak so I just hand her the envelope that I stopped by the lab for on my way here. She looks confused as she turns it over in her hands but she motions me inside before going to sit on the couch to open it. I follow her like a lost puppy, wanting to see her reaction when she realises what's inside. I'm not disappointed either, as her expression gets progressively more shocked the further down the letter that she reads. Finally she finishes, the letter dropping from her hands as she stares at me dumbfounded. I can't help but smirk at her when she looks like this.

'You did this?'

I simply nod in response as she throws her arms around me and bursts into tears. I'm pretty sure they're happy tears but I pull away slightly anyway just to check.

'Hey hey, you alright?'

She sniffles and nods at me, kissing me on the cheek. I feel myself blushing at the contact and try to pull myself together. Come on Sidle, you're a grown woman for Christ's sake.

'How on earth did you get Ecklie to agree to lift my suspension?'

I can't help but chuckle at the amazement in her voice. I'm sure she was convinced she'd lost her job and I'm glad that I can be the one to tell her otherwise.

'I just explained to him in no uncertain terms that what happened wasn't your fault and that if he wanted a fully functioning CSI team then he had better let you go back to work. I also might have hinted that if he didn't have you back, he'd have mine, Nick's and Warrick's resignations to process. But uh...they don't know that so keep it to yourself yeah?'

She shakes her head at me before pulling me in for another hug. I hold her tightly and it's not long before I feel her placing small soft kisses on my neck. It takes all of my available willpower to push her away. Not that I want to, but I figure we should talk about this first. She seems to remember then what she's doing and looks at me like she expects me to shout at her. This woman is just too cute.

'God Sara, I'm so sorry I forgot. You have Becky. I don't know what came over me. I just can't help...'

I shut her up by leaning forward and kissing her. Talking is over rated anyway. She moans into my mouth and it's quite possibly the sexiest thing I've ever heard. Eventually though I have to let her go when the needs for air becomes too much. She seems a little confused and I realise then that she still doesn't know that I'm now single. Well, that's a situation that needs remedying soon.

'Me and Becky, we aren't together anymore.'

I watch as the realisation of what I'm saying dawns on her and the biggest smile I've ever seen appears.

'So...you're single?'

I nod, unable to form any other words as she pushes me back and straddles me.

'Then do you fancy having dinner with me tonight?'

Like I'd ever say no to her. I only manage to nod my response before she's kissing me again and all rational thought goes out the window.


End file.
